Olive You Because...

Before we were married, Matt and I spoke of our desires for children.  Matt envisioned two children and didn't feel that adoption was for him.  I, on the other hand, wanted four children and would adopt as many as God would will.  Though our plans couldn't be more different, we were two people who trusted God's plan over our own.  We knew He would bless us with as many children as He had planned.  I accepted Matt's stance on adoption because you can't be kind of committed to adoption; you have to dive in with all your heart.  Parenthood in general isn't for the faint of heart.  It is an all consuming call to bravery, strength, commitment, and relentless love.  It is mission impossible, without Christ.  Though worth every struggle, it is hard to endure even with your own flesh and blood.  We as parents are commissioned with the task of not only equipping our children with necessary skills for survival, but for training them to thrive.  We step onto the battlefield of a broken world everyday, equipped with Sword and Shield, as dedicated warriors with the promise: if we teach and train them in God's word, it will not depart from them.  Adoption means being willing to take on the parenting challenge and carry the extra baggage that has been unfairly packed in a child's heart. Being willing to be vulnerable, even at the risk of heart break to be a mere reflection of Jesus' love.  I couldn't ask Matt to make that sacrifice, only God could.  

We had been married for nearly eight years when we moved to Wisconsin and started attending Elmbrook Church, a mission driven church both globally and locally.  It was Mother's Day three years ago when they played a video about foster care.  After church, we were visiting with friends, and I began sharing my heart with my dear friend. "I would love to foster or adopt, but Matt wouldn't want to."  Matt had overheard my comment in the other room and peeked around the corner and said, "Yes, I would."  I was pleasantly surprised at his statement and saw it as an open door for future conversations.  I made sure to stick my foot in it so that it couldn't close.  Over the next couple of years, opportunities passed where I would bring up my hearts desire, hoping he would share my enthusiasm.  More times than not our conversations would end in frustration, because Matt wanted to process and I wanted action.  I had began to push on that door and he wasn't ready to open it fully.  I knew if I kept pushing I would get my yes, but it would be a bitter yes, instead of a wholehearted, sweet yes.  So I stopped pushing and prayed, "God please either change his heart or help me close this door."  God's answer was for me to be quiet and still.  Ahh, He knows that's not in my DNA, but He didn't tell me to take my foot from the door! So I kept hoping and praying for my chance to adopt.  We are still praying about this life changing decision for our family and Matt's heart has slowly grown open to consider all options.  He has even registered us for a conference called Wait No More, hosted by our church and sponsored by Focus on the Family.  This step is exciting and I pray that God speak clearly to our hearts and that the attending families prayerfully listen to God's calling.  Though exciting, I too have to be ready to accept Matt's decision one way or another.  Regardless of whether we adopt or not, I wholeheartedly feel that I have a little boy in this world that I am called to love and pray for.  I would love for him to be my adopted son, but accept what ever role God gives me in his life.  Here is my letter to him: